FLICKERING BEAUTY

It was in her eyes that I first saw death,

saw feelings of the eternal breath.
It was me in disguise,
hiding a mirror reflection of who I wished to be.

Unready for the feelings that came,

I was tame.

And perhaps timid,

for since I’d lost that intrinsic feeling to believe in cupid

nothing had been the same.
As once that was lost

I’d started to see happiness as plain

I became a ghost

accepting who I thought the world saw

and ingesting the pain.
Through all this I heard a whisper

Was I right?

Was that my name?

I saw no other so I looked again,

only to see the path to my dreams

filled with the screams and shouts of pain

pangs of disdain,

love turning to pain.

Mind racing,was all this from a name?

I know now it was me I loved to hate

but I remember walking alone to the gates

of my own heaven.
As I approached her,

the world was becoming a game of chess

One in which I had the pieces

but was no grand-master

more a soul simply trying to get feelings off his chest.
So loveless, as all past had turned to feces,

Correction!

Perhaps my heart was in recess

as at that time I felt dead.

That words of love were better left unsaid

with the shots of life coming with fear of….
I can hardly remember.

Most likely it was then that she came near

and my nerves seemed to go sane.
All was right

I’d fought with all my might

and won.

All this assuming she felt the same.
Then one night filled with fright,

I remembered I was alone

and like a stone my emotions hit me

sending me barreling down the hill.

My life had quit me and I’d become a victim

of my own volition,

action,through inaction.
Regret had met fear.
So I smiled at the pantheon of failed loves

faces once held with kid gloves

but left waving white flags by the end

and thought about why their actions could not be by fate

For by the end

all their eyes flared with hate.
She spoke with a voice full of endeavor

and remembering my past

I thought I’d do her a favor

so taking solace in my warped view,

I left.
However I remember the look on her face vividly

mouth slightly tensed,eyes aghast,

doubt and confusion.
In all my attempts to save her the pain,

I’d in one moment done exactly that.
Looking back,

I guess I felt she was my eternal beauty

the unicorn I wanted,

but felt I didn’t deserve.

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