It was in her eyes that I first saw death,
saw feelings of the eternal breath.
It was me in disguise,
hiding a mirror reflection of who I wished to be.
Unready for the feelings that came,
I was tame.
And perhaps timid,
for since I’d lost that intrinsic feeling to believe in cupid
nothing had been the same.
As once that was lost
I’d started to see happiness as plain
I became a ghost
accepting who I thought the world saw
and ingesting the pain.
Through all this I heard a whisper
Was I right?
Was that my name?
I saw no other so I looked again,
only to see the path to my dreams
filled with the screams and shouts of pain
pangs of disdain,
love turning to pain.
Mind racing,was all this from a name?
I know now it was me I loved to hate
but I remember walking alone to the gates
of my own heaven.
As I approached her,
the world was becoming a game of chess
One in which I had the pieces
but was no grand-master
more a soul simply trying to get feelings off his chest.
So loveless, as all past had turned to feces,
Perhaps my heart was in recess
as at that time I felt dead.
That words of love were better left unsaid
with the shots of life coming with fear of….
I can hardly remember.
Most likely it was then that she came near
and my nerves seemed to go sane.
All was right
I’d fought with all my might
All this assuming she felt the same.
Then one night filled with fright,
I remembered I was alone
and like a stone my emotions hit me
sending me barreling down the hill.
My life had quit me and I’d become a victim
of my own volition,
Regret had met fear.
So I smiled at the pantheon of failed loves
faces once held with kid gloves
but left waving white flags by the end
and thought about why their actions could not be by fate
For by the end
all their eyes flared with hate.
She spoke with a voice full of endeavor
and remembering my past
I thought I’d do her a favor
so taking solace in my warped view,
However I remember the look on her face vividly
mouth slightly tensed,eyes aghast,
doubt and confusion.
In all my attempts to save her the pain,
I’d in one moment done exactly that.
I guess I felt she was my eternal beauty
the unicorn I wanted,
but felt I didn’t deserve.